Have you ever had a night terror that feels real? Living with postpartum anxiety is a nightmare that does not stop; it spirals and grows. It’s the real-life experience of falling in a dream with nowhere to land. The first couple weeks postpartum are a hormonal roller coaster known as the post-baby blues. It is normal to cry for no reason and stare in awe at your baby for hours. It is typical to feel as though your heart is physically breaking when she is just across the room. It is even common to miss her when she is in your arms; to feel as if she is not close enough because you are no longer attached. Fears, sometimes irrational, are normal.
Intrusive thoughts are also part of meeting your newborn and the hormones that accompany them. However, when the fears start to dictate your life, you distance yourself from people who love you, or your intrusive thoughts start to flourish into plans of running away, it is more than the blues — and you should seek help.
I had heard of postpartum depression, but I felt like something else needed to be addressed. Although I felt I was undeserving of this beautiful life, I was not depressed. I was terrified of absolutely everything. How did I deserve to experience a love this strong when only two years prior I was “never having children”? I was certain something was going to take her away from me, that my time with her was limited.
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